Comments on: Flunking Mothering 101: should be no surprise

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 22 Sep 2004 08:23:17 +0000

Thank you, Rayne, for your insightful comments as always. Yes, it is hard to shut off all the worry. It probably has some genetic program Thinking about what you wrote tonight gave me comfort. I was worrying about something a bit silly – like the fact that I fed my kids trail mix for dinner – when I started to think about all the things I don’t really have to worry about as a mom any more. The girls and I have been reading books from different cultures, times and places – it gives me gratitude to realize what I’ve got! Thank you for the conversation and support…

By: Rayne

Rayne — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 23:22:33 +0000

Thanks for the validation, Julie. We are all human first, prone to errors and omissions. And highly prone to guilt trips, too. I think about the dramatic change in infant-child mortality rates over the last couple of centuries here in the U.S. and I have to wonder whether we skipped that part in school; we’re all so terrified of the consequences of our actions as parents, and yet our children will survive in spite of anything and everything we do. The real threats have been removed from their world, like diptheria and typhoid and polio…

Which makes me wonder if after 50,00+ years we’re still programmed to worry about these illnesses (ones that still threaten the third world) and now project that worry elsewhere since the core programming hasn’t changed. Hmm.

Think about it; a mother in 17th century America might have given her child beer and moldy bread for breakfast, praying he wouldn’t get influenza or mumps or yellow fever. Now we’re worrying about the bread that didn’t kill them hundreds of years ago. How do we shut it off, all the worry?

By: Julie

Julie — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 08:45:38 +0000

Thanks, Bob, for your encouragement. I agree with you. Parenting has it’s playdough aspects, but also, Ted and I think it is a bit like sculpting and a bit like gardening and a bit like a roller coaster ride out of our control…Kids are pretty resilient too.

By: Bob V

Bob V — Sat, 18 Sep 2004 17:18:15 +0000

Great points, Julie! It seems to me that many new parents have a model of parenting in mind that views their children as a chunk of playdough. If they make the wrong decision about whether to play Bach or Mozart to them while they are in the womb, then they will become stupid, be made fun of by their peers, and end up in a state school.

Reality is so much different though. With all the bad parenting going around, the world seems to somehow still function. Children aren’t playdough. They are strong, have decision-making capabilities, and won’t eat mold. Who they are is a more important determinant of where they will go than who their parents are.

(This isn’t to say every parent shouldn’t do everything they can do to become a better parent. That stuff does matter. My point is that it isn’t the only thing that matters.)