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What we’re doing for Valentine’s Day

February 14th, 2004 · 1 Comment


That’s our usual plan for many occasions: anniversary, birthday, Valentine’s.

Even when we were dating, we didn’t have a lot of ideas what to do or plan many activities. We’re content with a quiet life. Now though with three little children and babysitters in short supply, it’s more difficult to get out for a date even if we wanted to go to dinner or a movie. After the girls go to sleep, we spend some time together at night, so we do have a little date that way. In that sense it’s almost as if we have anniversary every day.

We don’t give each other lots of gifts either. If it’s something we really need then we buy it. We try not to wrap up socks and underwear as Christmas presents. Then again, if it’s an expensive item, we try to save and budget until whenever we can afford it. We’ve been married so long, I can remember when a 1 Gigabyte drive was on Ted’s list…

Sure I have a few trinkets from Ted I treasure. And a couple pieces of jewelry too – two rings on my left hand – that mean a lot to me.

But some of the best gifts Ted has given me are words he wrote, pieces of paper where he’d described his heart. Some of them are storebought cards. I can also remember some sticky notes or plain paper letters that I’ve saved. It doesn’t have to be much to mean much to me.

Last night on the radio, I heard people declaring how important this holiday is. One ad had a woman saying “If you ever want to see me again…there’s 10K pendants on sale for $29.99…”

To me though I’d rather have Ted give me a simple note or serve me in a little way. That’d mean more to me than any generic box of chocolates or bunch of roses. Flowers and sweets are nice. I like them. But I don’t want Ted to feel he has to get me something. I don’t like this holiday as heavy obligation to go buy stuff, some sort of mass participation in packing the pockets of jewelers and chocolatiers. I don’t think it’s all about what I am getting.

…So usually we don’t do much for Valentine’s Day. This year though, I’ve decided to be creative. I’ve come up with a little surprise for Ted. That’s about all he knows. It’s not much. It’s not like I’m escaping with him to the Caribbean – he can check our credit cards and see what little I’ve spent. But I’m so happy with my husband, energetic and in love, and I wanted to do something for him. I want to give to him.

It’s a surprise – so I won’t be writing about it here and now. And I won’t write about it later either. Although I’m happy to write in explicit detail about much of my life, exposing my mind and emotions, even photographing our experiences, I think that there are things that are better left unsaid. Unseen. And I believe that there are secrets best kept between a husband and wife. Things a man and a woman should share with each other and no one else.

Parts of myself I am leaving for only my lover to know. I’ll put lots of my life under the magnifying glass, even under the microscope. But there are some sections where I’m drawing the curtain, closing the door, sealing my lips. Parts of me, my body, my life, my heart, are taken for Ted. They are gifts I am giving him.

So what are we doing for Valentine’s Day?
Nothing – that I’m going to write about here! 😉

Tags: marriage

1 response so far ↓

  • 1 Katherine // Feb 15, 2004 at 7:52 pm

    David has a tradition of baking special cookies for me on Valentine’s Day – ones that combine two of my favorite flavors: chocolate and peanut butter…and are shaped in hearts! And they take two days to make!!! That’s why it’s a very special once a year thing. It’s a gift of time and love. 🙂 Yum.