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My new career track

March 29th, 2004 · No Comments

From today’s Seattle Times Bureau launders money to make sure it’ll last :

Andrew Wilson throws his own special load of laundry into the wash: eight white cotton terry towels, 2-1/3 ounces of powdered laundry detergent — and 25 crisp U.S. greenbacks.

Wash, rinse and spin. When the load is done, it’s not the towels he goes for first.

Wilson is a chemist at a U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing lab that checks how dollar bills survive the torture of everyday life — whether bucks are spun in a washing machine or dumped in a crumpled mass into an overstuffed handbag.

I didn’t know that the government paid people to do the laundry. Hey, maybe I could get paid for stuffing towels and dollar bills into the washing machine myself! And who better than a mom to do durability tests? Makes me wonder why they haven’t outsourced this work yet: I could do it from home. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if I tossed in a few dirty shirts and jeans to make the experiment more authentic. Just think, while water rushes through the washing machine and the clothes bounce around inside the dryer, I could be making money. I could be working for salary instead of working for sanity. Wow.

So now I’ll rewrite my resume:

Laundry Manager for Leung Family Corporation, Bainbridge Island, WA 1995 to present

  • Managed laundering services for VIPs and multiple mini-executives
  • Executed daily responsibilities efficiently following proper protocols
  • Operated and maintained machinery with extensive reagent supplies
  • Supervised processing and placement of sanitized products
  • Laundered items included cotton towels and occasional currency

    Think I could get a job?!

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