JulieLeung.com: a life told in tidepools

I don’t listen to radio that often, but this afternoon while cleaning the house, I caught a commercial by a bank advertising home-equity loans for weddings. It featured one particularly eager mother-of-the-bride, only too happy to borrow against her home so her daughter could have flowers and a dress.

Count ’em – we’ve got one, two, three daughters. That’s three weddings we are supposed to finance. Ah, and now we can borrow against our home to do so. How reassuring….I take some small comfort in the fact that I hope we have twenty-some years to accrue equity in our home, in the case our daughters demand fancy nuptial celebrations.

Then again, I take comfort in the fact that we can claim Chinese tradition: groom’s family pays!

Actually, I’m a bit disturbed to hear that people would take out a second mortgage in order to get married. Ted and I did fine with our student-shoestring budget. Our reception featured homemade hors d’oevres served in the church basement, all organized by a crew of friends who volunteered – we’ve even got pictures of them washing the dishes with wild wide smiles, ties tucked into their shirts to avoid the suds. We were grateful. We still are. It was a great gift.

Maybe in my wildest dreams and imagined fantasies, I’d do things differently. Maybe it would have been nice to have a sit-down dinner, dancing and drinks. I’ve got nothing against fun and celebration. I’ve enjoyed other’s parties.

But I also believe that it doesn’t take much to get married. A wedding is only a day. Blink your eyes and it’s over, leaving you with a photo album and a lifetime together. Borrowing money that will take years for parents to repay (in addition to college loans?!), especially when they may be nearing retirement, doesn’t seem wise. I’m hesitant to take out a loan in any situation, but especially to finance something ephemeral and unnecessary.

Fancy weddings are wonderful. But loans don’t guarantee love.