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I can’t prove a thing

May 18th, 2004 · 5 Comments

While we’re on the topic of money and love…here’s a silly post…

I like Dave Winer and he likes to have fun in his blog.

Yesterday he posted a mathematical proof that girls are evil.

Mathematics aside, for some reason this “girls are evil” feels to me like something that could be claimed to be heard when playing a Beatles album backwards: where’s my White Album?!

I should know better than to try to play with a mathematics major at his own game. I’ve done that already too many times. (One of the first conversations Ted and I had revolved around the definition of the word theory…)

But I can’t resist trying to have some fun with this myself….

First I’d change the equation

Girls = Time + Money


Girls = Time

I don’t think girls require money. Time definitely. Girls require time.

But I’ll agree that Time = Money so then

Girls = Money

Dave and I differ on the definition of money.

The same source that says money is the root of all evil also says that money is the answer for everything. So I choose the one I believe to be true 🙂


Girls = The Answer for Everything

(Did I have to go through all this to prove that women are the answer for everything?!)

But if I may make this assumption that Girls = Love then

Love = The Answer for Everything

Yes, it’s time to break out those old record albums ’cause… Love Is the Answer

Note: Of the many songs by this title, I chose Todd Rundgren’s – and he’s also got some great opinions on the RIAA…”The reason why the RIAA comes off as a gang of ignorant thugs is because, well, how do I put this — they are.”

I know this proof wouldn’t help me pass any math class but it was fun to try and isn’t fun what this is all about?


At lunch yesterday, Ted and I discussed the above proof (although he had nothing to do with it!) At dinner however, we discussed with the girls who-eats-who of the food chain. For example the kids wanted to know who eats bears? Foxes? I didn’t have an answer for some of the larger carnivores, except I figured vultures wouldn’t mind eating any of them.

“Vultures are the answer to everything,” I said to my beloved. “That’s my proof” (joking in my reference to our lunchtime coversation about what I’d written above)

“Ah,” he replied, “Then women are vultures.”

Such a thoughtful husband I have – don’t you agree?
At least he helped scrub the stains off the wall when I flung my fork at him 😉

Disclosure: Ted and I don’t fling forks at each other. It would be a bad example to the girls…I only thought about it…and it’s the thought that counts…

Tags: blog

5 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Betsy Devine // May 19, 2004 at 4:33 am

    Julie, this reminds me of a “philosophical” dinner table conversation at our house. As a result of this discussion, every time someone mentions “free will”, one of my daughters will say, “Get mom some tofu.” Er, IIRC, to prove that human behavior isn’t totally determined by historical, social, or biological factors, I chop-sticked some Szechuan bean curd onto the floor. My daughters and the dog loved this argument.

  • 2 Phil // May 19, 2004 at 7:06 am

    I could say that I hate to be pedantic, but I’d probably be lying, so I feel compelled to point out the following isn’t strictly true:

    > money is the root of all evil

    Considering the text in question says:

    “For the *love* of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” (Emphasis mine.)

    Other pedantic thoughts left as an exercise to the reader… 🙂

    (Oh, and incidentally, if Girls = Money then do we end up with “For the love of girls is a root of all kinds of evil.” I’ll run along now… 🙂 )

  • 3 Scott // May 19, 2004 at 9:33 am

    hmmmm, you missed one other corollary. “Money makes the world go ’round.”


    girls make the world go ’round

  • 4 Chris // May 19, 2004 at 12:40 pm

    I’m a math teacher of sorts, so you really just have to accept what I say here.

    Where you have the equation:

      Girls = The answer for everything

    I think this translates back into a word problem as:

      Girls have the answer for everything.

    Which is DUH, I mean QED. At least in my humble male experience.

  • 5 Phil Wolff // May 19, 2004 at 6:41 pm

    Let’s see if I have this straight:

    Girls = Time + Money


    Money = Girls – Time.

    i.e. Avoid girls, make money.

    But the original equation is flawed. Since money buys you more time to spend on girls, improves the quality of the time you spend together, and generally speaking makes you more attractive to girls (at least it makes a noticeable difference when *I* have money), then money is a multiplier of time.

    Girls = Time * Money

    I think this means dividing girls from their money takes time. It also means that the more time you spend on a girl, the less money or love you need to invest. Or maybe, if we take the other Phil’s definition, the more time you spend with a girl, the less you love money?