JulieLeung.com: a life told in tidepools

The other day, as I was considering which shoes to wear on stage this weekend and how I walk in them, words someone else had said to me years ago returned to my mind. In elementary school, I received an award in a competition. I was not expecting the large red ribbon or any ribbon at all, so I didn’t prepare or plan what I would do. When I returned to my table of fellow sixth graders, award in hand, someone criticized the way I had walked onto the stage. This particular someone happened to be a boy I liked. A boy I wanted to like me. As in deep crush. So his words sunk deep.

Looking back, I see silliness. Why did it matter to me what this kid said? As far as I can tell it was a sarcastic critical comment said by a sixth grader. Why does it matter how fast I walk on stage when I’m going to get an award? Yet I spent a long time later trying to recall how fast I had gotten myself up on stage to receive the ribbon, striving to recall my stride. His words mattered to me and years later I can still remember the sting and the way I winced afterwards. What other people say can play over and over again in my mind.

As a wife and friend, but especially now as a mom of young children, I try to consider the power of my speech. Recently I’ve felt challenged to examine the choices I’m making with my mouth. Will the sentences I say last with others for years because of the sting? Will people spend time going back in time trying to understand how I hurt them? Will they wince at my words? I do believe in learning from others. I want to be open to receive criticism. There’s a time and a place to critique too, even in gentle ways as a mother, to help my children grow and see. But I know in my own life from childhood, I’ve received many words from many people that were not kind or helpful. I know I’m guilty of giving out some myself. It’s easy to repeat the past. Yet I want to bless others. I want the sentences I say to encourage and build, to motivate and empower people to become all they can be, to be sun and water to a garden of growth. Yesterday when I had to correct one of my children, in private, I tried to turn it into a positive time, telling her how talented she was, showing her what she could do if she tried, giving her reason to believe she could change. Her eyes sparkled and she hugged me, sitting on my lap for a while afterwards. I want to change myself. Yet sometimes I still find other people’s words coming out of my mouth.

Ben Hammersley’s slides from reboot on Etiquette and the singularity resounded with me. I need a new etiquette. Thank you Ben! [I’m just listening to the audio as I polish this draft.]

David Weinberger’s post No, I’m not keeping up with your blog had the same effect when I read it earlier this week.

In response to him, Scheherazade wrote:

I wonder at the people whose sidebar says “Blogs I Read” or “Blogs I Love” and then lists hundreds of weblogs.  Do they think we don’t know they are lying? 

I do read the blogs in my sidebar. Okay, the sidebar does need to be updated. But I read many more than I’ve listed.

In an attempt to make a temporary simplification during this busy season, I decided to reduce the number of blog feeds in my aggregator, keeping only those bloggers with whom I had had a conversation or other relationship. At the end of my elimination, I still had 300 + feeds. The circle of acquaintances is growing. I like people. I want relationships. I’m happy to find friends. But I also find myself in a dilemma.

Email puts me in a similar situation. I’m tired of reading posts where I’m told I’m rude because I don’t answer all my email the same day. I’m tired! Many days I don’t have time to work on my computer productively until 10 pm, due to the needs of my family. Many nights I sacrifice sleep so I can get to the bottom of the InBox. And then I stumble through the next day like a zombie mom, unencumbered by etiquette guilt but burdened by sleep deprivation, eyelids heavy, trading one weight for another.

Our connections on the internet allow for immediate communication. Unlike a paper letter, I can know my written words were received within seconds. But this same instant messaging (to use one term to cover many) is messy. If I receive 40 emails but only have time to answer 20, which ones do I choose? Where do my obligations lie?

Part of the beauty of blogging is its freedom. Many of us are blogging in our spare time. It’s a choice we’re making. A gift we’re giving. Yet it’s easy for the obligation to hang heavy. Presents are often spoiled by expectations. Parties are busted by the police. Legality cancels love.

I want people reading my blog to want to read my blog. And I hope we all can extend understanding and grace for each other, aware of our humanity, our limitations and our complex life outside a computer screen. I want people to keep my feed and read my posts not due to any obligation or burden of our relationship. Guilt trips can take you places but they don’t go to the right destination. I want people to come here because they have fun here. And as David wrote, I want to be released from other’s expectations. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. If you love someone, set them free.

Ben Hammersley’s call for a new etiquette is appropriate. We need new rules to know how to negotiate these new types of relationships and opportunities. Perhaps I am rude. [What is rude now?] But I’m doing my best to love those who are my first priority, my family and friends whom I can hug and help. Everyone else has to settle for second place. Sometimes that may mean days or weeks before I have time to write a reply, type a comment or post a link. I don’t know whether Miss Manners would approve.

But I do think she would approve of expressing gratitude. I hope that our new etiquette still has space and place to say thank you. I’m in debt to a few people. Maybe even a few hundred people. And I hope it will never be rude to say Thank You.

I’ve made my annual pilgrimage and paid my tribute to the god of the Rotary Auction. So has the writer of I Love Bainbridge Island. This year I hoped that a few bags of clothing and a bed frame would help satisfy this hungry deity for another 363 days.

An article in the Seattle Times last weekend (can’t access archives) said the island rummage sale was billed as the largest in the West, whatever that means. I’m always amazed to see the huge amounts of stuff on our small island. And as someone pointed out to me, it seems strange, perhaps, that our affluent community would go crazy over rummage.

Anyone want a Nordic Track?

This picture didn’t come out well, since I had to take it through the windshield. But I couldn’t resist the line of exercise machines. So many are donated that at at the end of the sale when remaining items are given away, one can usually pick up a Nordic Track for free….

Or how about a basket?

A bike?

Maybe a window or a door? Hey, looks like there’s a hot tub too!

I heard a rumor one year that extra hardware from Paul Allen’s house ended up at the Rotary Auction. Who knows whose door knob or window you could own in your own home?!

It’s a celebration of possessions and people, the stuff we once owned and the bargain hunters who call Bainbridge home, things we no longer need and relationships crucial to community. Some items are recycled through the Rotary each year as tradition, to see who will get it this time. The Rotary Auction, especially the calmer Friday night preview, is a place to see and be seen, one of those occasions where I find old friends I haven’t seen in years while searching for the proper used flower pot.

We’ll miss both the Friday night preview/auction and the Saturday sale this year due to Gnomedex. But if you can’t make it to the conference, you might as well go shopping… let me know how it goes…

As soon as I posted my list of local bloggers earlier this month, it became obsolete, as Bainbridge Beat pointed out. Lisa Williams in her comment asked how many people live on the island. For a community of approximately 20,000, we now have a ratio close to 1 blogger per 1,000 residents! But now here are a few more that have begun…

BainbridgeBulletin, another anonymous blogger with the intials BB has started writing, commenting on my blog and outdating my post almost immediately. Here’s a description from the inaugural post on the Bulletin: While I won’t be writting about the antics of my kitten or what a yummy cookie I just ate. I’ll be looking outward – but not too far outward. My vision stops at this island’s shores. So, this is a blog about Bainbridge. Read. Enjoy. Reply. Repeat.



This week, Ed Hager started Attention Citizens of Earth. He hopes to spread the word about the upcoming trail work party this Saturday June 25 from 10 am to 2 pm at Blakely and Tani Creek. Most of the trails are maintained by a group of volunteers. I like The grass is brown in Arizona where he lists what one learns when living in the heat: Tap water in the summer comes out warm



James Olson also commented to add his new blog to the list: Friends of Historical Accuracy regarding the ethnic Japanese Evacuation of 1942. From his inaugural post: Welcome to this blog. I am a born and bred West Coaster, having lived all my life in a community that was greatly affected by the 1942 evacuation of ethnic Japanese from the military zones of the United States. Contrary to popular belief in other parts of the United States, as children we knew all about the evacuation, the reasons for the evacuation and what was happening in the ethnic Japanese community prior to the evacuation. Being also university educated in history, I learned early that the role of a good historian is to seek out and document the 100% historical truth to the point of callousness.

Philippe Boucher now has two blogging daughters. From Anne, I learned that her sister Abigail has started one too: dans la vie d’abi: After months and months of hearing about my father’s blogging, and now my younger sister’s as well, I figured it was time for me to join the team.



Through the Technorati feed for “bainbridge island”, I discovered that Kristen Tollefson has started a blog titled Collocation at Pritchard Park: The Collocation blog is for participating artists, community members and visitors to interface about the conceptual site and the physical site of the art insallation to keep each other informed through the duration of the three month show, June – September 2005.



I enjoyed Art in the Meadow at Blakely Harbor two years ago so I’m looking forward to interacting with this new public exhibition in the park and the blog too.

Keep ’em coming, everyone! 🙂

In April, KiDiMu, the Kids Discovery Museum on Bainbridge Island, opened with a fun Rainforest exhibit. Although we don’t usually purchase memberships, we joined the museum after our first visit. I know we’ll be going there at least once a month and it only takes five visits for our family to justify the cost. I’m also happy to be a part of this community treasure.

KiDiMu is already a rich and rare resource on the island, by the simple fact that it is a place parents and children can go on rainy days. The exhibits provide opportunity for creativity, exploration and fun. I’ve learned about tree frogs and helped to make simple animations for the girls. My daughters enjoy wearing the costumes and crawling through the enormous snake. Puppets, puzzles and art projects abound. It’s a great place to go and sure to become an island destination.

The children’s museum opened after years of work, fundraising and organization accomplished by parents I’ve met through library story times, gym class and other connections. Starting a nonprofit can be difficult. KiDiMu has done a great job getting off the ground, raising funds and community support in short time, and I hope they continue in their success.

Butterfly and other creature costumes offer pretend play.

Monsters by Moira: my friend illustrated these for the museum’s celebration

Into the cobra’s mouth…