JulieLeung.com: a life told in tidepools

The night has disappeared. What did I do with it? Among other things, I responded to Darren Barefoot’s observations in his post Canada’s Men Aren’t Getting Enough Daylight. Darren often starts intense conversations on family choices and lifestyles… and this time I decided to toss in my two cents – even though I don’t know much about Canadian Men or their lack of daylight…:-) (are the guys all getting rickets up north – the biochemist in me just has to ask..or maybe that’s why they are are giving up Coke…; -)?!) Anyway, what Darren noted is true across the border too…I’ll post my comment here, as my writing of the night, and also as an invitation for others to join the conversation on parenting at Darren’s blog.

Okay, I can’t resist tossing in my two cents and sharing my perspective…

Before Ted and I married, we agreed that we wanted to homeschool our children (or at least try it). From where each of our lives were back then, it made more sense for me to plan to stay at home. I have been happy to do it. I haven’t been employed since my first daughter was born almost seven years ago. It’s a choice we’ve made as a family, a choice that has made other decisions for us.

In terms of trying to quantify what it is like to take care of children, here’s what I can say from my experience. I worked in two fields before I became a mother. I did medical research and I also worked at a charity which helped homeless people. Motherhood requires the intensity of my medical research work in both mental and physical energy. Motherhood also requires at least as much emotional energy as the counseling I did at the charity. I am nonstop from 8 am to 9 pm with the kids (hence my late night weblog posts) and I am on call 24 hours a day.

Even if I wanted to pay someone to care for my kids I don’t know if I could afford it, especially now that I have three. For us it makes more financial sense for me to stay at home.

My husband works from home so he sees the kids more than he would if he commuted. Many dads on the island where we live don’t see their kids during the week due to the ferry ride combined with the long work day. Ted is able to have lunch and dinner with his daughters, and from time to time he comes out of the office to help me. However he has not take them outside during the weekday. 🙂 Although I spend more time with the girls during the day, Ted and I share the responsibility, spending time each night talking about our family together.

Comparing now to the fifties, I’m not sure it is easier now than then. I have three kids which is the same size of both my mom’s and my dad’s families, so perhaps I’m not having half the children. So maybe I’m disqualified from commenting. 🙂 I’m not sure though that cell phones and appliances make it easier (ah but the stain free carpet has been wonderful!). Standards for parenting have changed. For example, there are issues that my children have had, that probably wouldn’t have been noticed in the fifties but I have had to monitor carefully and work with my children in their development in these areas. We are probably much more aware and concerned of the implications of every aspect of childhood development and the role parents play in their children’s growth. Although I try to evaluate and sift through the expectations I feel, from Martha Stewartsainthood to SuperMommy’s cape, and we as a family are trying to take a different path, yet parenting still takes all I’ve got to give in a day, more than any job I had.

What drew me into this post originally were your observations, Darren, of whom you see outside during the day. I too have been concerned. I try to take my kids outside and play soccer or help them ride bikes every day in the late morning. However I rarely even see other moms playing sports with their kids, or anyone else at all outside. On the weekends I do see some dads going around the block or supervising at the playground. But I wonder whether part of the problem is that people don’t often go outside to play with their children any more.