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Counting my blessings…and all my mothers

May 10th, 2004 · 1 Comment

I’ve caught a cold and yesterday I was feeling lousy. I felt like a lousy mom. I didn’t have the interactive energy I needed for the girls, and they were bouncing about like popcorn, perhaps in some subconscious effort to get more attention from me, to squeeze from the rock of my sinus-heavy head some water for their fires.

Today was better. Drugs have helped (yes, those of you who know my aversion to medication may be amazed: I am taking drugs!) and I think this cold may not last too long.

I spent the morning of Mother’s Day hanging out with my girls. It’s great to have a day with “nothing” to do except enjoy my daughters.

And enjoyable they are.

  • Elisabeth, who this week is beginning to speak more words, including “bubble” and “blogroll”. Yes, there is a difference, and she knows when she is saying “blogroll” that we will laugh…she starts laughing right after her little lips finish the “roll” shape…(if I could, I’d audioblog it!)
  • Michaela, now calling herself the “comedienne”, a three-year-old Tigger of a girl, bouncing and joking about when she’s not trying to write letters. Looking at her, I just want to tickle her belly and make her laugh more.
  • Abigail, who seems to have accelerated into adulthood, constantly playing Teacher with her sisters and leading them through various gymnastics and dance routines, or keeping track of how much cold medicine I am taking.

    I’m also grateful for Ted.

    Without him, I wouldn’t be a mom! He has been a wonderful husband and father. I feel that he complements me, filling in the places where I am weak. I suspect he’d be a better mother than I, were he the woman of the house. He’s thoughtful, patient and merciful in ways I lack. He always seems to know how to phrase or explain things better than I do. I learn from him. He’s a great guy. Isn’t that what Mother’s Day is about – honoring Dad?!

    On Mother’s Day I’m especially grateful for my mom. We’ve had our bumps on the road. But especially now that I’m a mother, I don’t know how she did what she did. She raised four children as a single mom and one of her sons was brain-damaged. Through the years she continued to want what was best for us, and to sacrifice so we could have it. Although I might not have seen it – or even resisted it, she did love me all the time. She’s generous, compassionate and sympathetic. She perseveres. Dave Winer today linked to a son who has lost his mother and he also linked to a family who knows what it is like to mourn a son. My mom has lost a son. And I’ve almost lost my mom once or twice. I’m grateful that my mom and I have each other in our lives and that for the past few years we’ve lived in the same area. She’s been at the hospital for two of our babies and we’ve celebrated birthdays and holidays together, gone to the beach, zoo and aquarium. She’s met many of our friends. Someone this week reminded me of this piece I wrote about her For the love of a starfish. I’ve also written a couple other posts about her here My life as a concession stand and my thoughts from today Carry me Mommy.

    You don’t have to give birth to be a mother. I think any woman can be a mother. And I also believe that I can have many “mothers” in my life. First, of course, would be Ted’s mom, who has loved me and looked out for me. If she hadn’t had Ted, then where would I be?! I am grateful for her care as a mom to my husband, and to me, and her love as a grandmother for my daughters.

    At different times I’ve had other women in my life, women who were a little ahead of me in the journey, who could encourage me with their experience and wisdom. When we lived in Rhode Island, I had a couple friends who let me hang out in their home, be a part of their family, to see what their life was like. I thought of them as mothers to me in a sense, although when I told them that once, I think I embarrassed them! In California, I enjoyed spending some time with my friend mother who refreshes me too.

    Here and now I have a few women in my life who I feel encourage me, including some friends in their fifties and others in the blogging community (I don’t want to embarrass any one by naming names :)) I believe in having multiple “mothers” so to speak…and I’m always looking for more!

    Other moms who are my peers, at a simliar stage of childrearing, encourage me too by their example. My friend Jenny wrote a great post the other day describing her date with her son Joel:

    After the play we went to Checkers to “play” checkers and have some chocolate peanutbutter ice cream cones. We gobbled up our ice cream and played the Nascar version of checkers. He always brings such life to every activity he does. There was screeching and crashing. Then he set the checkers behind a line and pretended the checkers were people and he was on-stage with Jack:)
    It was so nice to sit and “visit” with my boy. I loved watching him devour his ice cream cone — leaving a big chocolate dot on his nose. His blues eyes just sparkled as we sat, unhurried and unstressed.

    I don’t have many expectations for Mother’s Day. In a previous post I wrote that all I wanted today was some appreciation. But all I want to do is appreciate others. To say thank you.

    Thank you, Mom!

    Thank you to Ted’s mom.

    Thank you to my other moms.

    Thank you to my mom friends.

    Thanks for showing me what it means to be a mom.

  • Tags: motherhood

    1 response so far ↓

    • 1 Phil // May 10, 2004 at 4:23 am

      Yay for public mutual appreciation in marriage! 🙂