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Step by step

February 4th, 2004 · 1 Comment

My spirituality is a mystery to me. Where my soul is seems to be beyond my control. I get in a funk but I can’t fix it myself.

The other morning I was reading some of Tania’s blog posts from earlier this week. She’s encouraged me with her writing. It was quiet at the start of the day. The air was new. And I felt something break. A cloud lifted.

The past few months have been difficult. I’ve wanted to be finished with my faith. To give up on God. Good bye.

I’ve felt frustrated, afraid, discouraged, desperate. I couldn’t see where we were going or the reasons why things had happened. It seems to come in waves like a roller coaster ride for the soul.

But this morning, earlier in the week, felt new. I felt I could get a little glimpse through the fog, a break in the clouds, just enough hope to get one step ahead.

Later, as Ted was eating breakfast, I talked with him at the table. We watched the girls playing in the kitchen. Elisabeth was walking, toddling around the island, falling only once or twice. And her older sisters spontaneously began singing Rich Mullins’ song that we sometimes sing as family:

Step by step You’ll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

It was like magic. Like a movie. A little miracle in the morning.
And I thought Yeah God. That’s where I am. Step by step.

Tags: journal

1 response so far ↓

  • 1 tania // Feb 4, 2004 at 10:11 pm

    one of my favorites of Rich is from IF I STAND

    So if I stand let me stand on the promise
    That you will pull me through
    And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace
    That first brought me to You
    And if I sing let me sing for the joy
    That has born in me these songs
    And if I weep let it be as a man
    Who is longing for his home

    you know i too am struggling to come back to my First Love. know that He longs for you… and does all the work.